Walk the Moon and My Love Life

So, bloggers. I want to tell you about the Walk the Moon concert I went to last night. ALONE.

But in order to fully understand what happened at the concert, I have to share with you an excerpt from my love life.

For the most part, I have always been very general and vague when writing about my romantic adventures on this blog.

Today, I am getting real with you all.

I hope you're ready for this.

Yesterday, I was convinced that I would not be going to the concert alone. I had made my decision and was okay with it.

Then, Walk the Moon's "Anna Sun" came on my iPhone, and I knew- I had to go. I was not going to miss my favorite band just because I was afraid of looking and feeling awkward! Sure, there would be uncomfortable moments, but truly, it would be worth it.

Alright. Ready or not, here is where my horrendous love life comes into the story.

Last autumn, I had a brief fling with a guy I was totally crazy about. This guy was (okay, he still is) charming, handsome, driven, and so much fun to be around. We always had so much to talk about and would often text from morning until night. Our chemistry was amazing, and I was very attracted to him.

Let me just go all Carrie Bradshaw here, and let's call this guy "Mr. Big."

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Mr. Big happens to be the one who introduced me to Walk the Moon. During our very first time hanging out, he pulled up their "Anna Sun" video on his phone. I can still remember sitting at a little, round table in the corner of that coffee shop and thinking, I love this band! When he picked me up one night to go to a play, he made sure to turn the song on the second I got into his car. I'll be completely honest- whenever I hear "Anna Sun," the first person I think of is Mr. Big.

Right as our whirlwind romance was nearing an official relationship, Mr. Big abruptly ended things.

I was shocked and incredibly hurt.

But like all great chick-lit heroines must (because that's exactly how I view myself), I recovered.

We really didn't talk much for the next six months. We had a few awkward run-ins, but never said more than quick pleasantries.

Last May, he came to my campus house for a BBQ my roommates were hosting for their business program. We caught up some and agreed to get coffee soon. He ended up cancelling on me a few days before we were supposed to go out. I wasn't really surprised but still a little disappointed. I was mostly upset with myself as I knew deep down I had been hoping for more. I had been secretly wishing that maybe Mr. Big had changed his mind and was ready for a relationship. Maybe he wanted to be with me again.

We went another few months without speaking.

Then, about one month ago, our paths crossed once again. I was with Rachel at an alumni tailgating event for her business program before one of the UC football games. Mr. Big and I talked. The chemistry felt as real as ever, and I felt those pangs of longing once more.

"Pangs of longing"? Oh, lord. Moving on.

After the alumni event, things finally seemed to be good between us. I am not suggesting a budding relationship was on the horizon, but things were definitely not as cold as they had been before.

So! Now that you are all caught up, let's get back to yesterday and the concert.

I didn't want to run into Mr. Big ALONE at the concert as I was convinced I'd look like a huge creep so I sent him a quick text to see if he was going. Naturally, he said he would be there, and he even told me I could hang out with him and his group of friends so I wouldn't be all alone.

Very nice!

Rachel and Melvin dropped me off at the concert venue around 7:30. I was in great spirits. I was going to see my favorite band AND not be alone!

I ordered a gin and tonic and made some friends while waiting for Mr. Big to arrive. I was really having a fun time.

About half an hour later, I found Mr. Big and his group. After a quick "hello," Mr. Big essentially ignored me.

I ended up chatting with his incredibly kind best friend the entire time while watching Mr. Big talk with just about every girl except me.

I sort of wanted to cry. Okay. I really wanted to cry. And once I realized that I might actually break down, I quietly left the group.

"Are you okay?" the bouncer asked, as I made my way out the door of the concert venue.

"Yeah! Totally." I somehow managed to reply with a fake smile, the cold, November air feeling like such a relief as I emerged into the night.

That's right. I LEFT BEFORE THE BAND EVEN PERFORMED.

I got out my phone to call Rachel. Hearing her familiar voice made me want to cry even more.

"I am so sorry, Jenna. I'll be there right away!" she exclaimed.

Of course, as I went to put my iPhone away, I totally dropped it on the concrete sidewalk. And now it is minorly cracked. Because this is just how that night was destined to go.

Rachel came to retrieve me within fifteen minutes, and I had never been so happy to see her in my life.

As sad as I was last night, I am mostly angry today. Obviously I am mad at myself for missing the concert, but there are much bigger issues I need to address.

I don't know why I let myself fall for Mr. Big each and every time or why I still get so worked up over him. Things never fall together when the two of us are involved, and I'm not sure why I fool myself into thinking otherwise.

Whew. That may have been THE longest blog post I've ever written. Hopefully you're all still reading although I wouldn't blame you if you closed this window ages ago.

So anyway.

I guess now we all know what happens when you attend concerts alone...!