Homeward Bound

Getting out of New York City is never easy.

But attempting to leave on Christmas Eve Eve turned out to be quite a challenge.

Late Monday afternoon, Ben discovered that the taxi fare to LaGuardia was not a flat rate of $53 as it is for JFK.

He pulled up a traffic map on his phone and grimaced, "Look at all of the red on the highways...it's going to cost you a fortune taking a cab to LaGuardia. How do you feel about taking a city bus?"

I did not feel good about that.

But it appeared I had little choice.

After a very crowded and stressful subway ride (I accidentally hit someone in the shin with my heavy luggage and felt horrible about it), Ben dropped me off at a sad street corner in some unknown part of town.

The rain was coming down in sheets.

I had never felt so alone and cold and anxious.

Twenty minutes later, the M60 pulled up. I dragged my giant luggage up to the driver and tried handing him $3.00.

"I need a fare card. I can't accept cash," he practically growled.

My stomach dropped, and I felt tears well up in my eyes as I squeaked, "Oh. But where do I do that?"

"Subway."

And with that, I got off the bus and did the only thing that seemed appropriate.

Openly sobbed.

I figured I deserved such an indulgence and if anyone asked if I was okay (no one did), I would fib and say something much more traumatic had occurred than being turned away from the M60.

After loading my fare card, I went back to the bus stop and once again waited another 20 minutes in the rain for the next bus.

When this one pulled up, there was a much bigger crowd waiting.

I was pushed and jostled to the very back of the line.

By the time my turn arrived, the bus was full.

The. Bus. Was. Full.

As the doors closed in my sad, Midwestern face, I thought awful and terrible things about New York City. I'll just admit it- I had never before hated a city so much than that very moment.

"Heading home for the holidays?" A kind, middle-aged woman asked me, probably seeing that I was on the verge of (more) tears.

"I'm trying to get home to Cincinnati," I mewed.

via

"Oh! Cincinnati! What a fantastic city," she smiled encouragingly. "I visited there once! The highlight of my trip was your chili."

That woman talked to me until the next bus arrived.

I wish I could have told her how grateful I was to her. She kept me from more sobbing and gave me the positive energy I desperately needed.

On the bus, I put my luggage up on a rack.

I poked my head around the corner to check on it a few minutes into the ride.

"Don't worry, honey," a woman across the aisle said. "I've been keeping an eye on it the entire time! I'll watch it until we get to the airport."

I ended up talking to this second incredibly kind woman and her daughter (who ended up being my birthday twin!) the entire way to the airport.

I honestly believe God sent me those women in a time when I really, really needed them.

By the time I got to LaGuardia, I was telling the woman and her daughter about my bus fiasco and actually laughing about the whole thing.

Because it really was quite dramatic and hilarious in hindsight.

My journey home further improved with my flight actually leaving on time, and when that airplane touched down on Ohio soil just a few minutes before midnight, I had never felt so happy to be home.

New York City at Christmastime!

On Friday, December 20th, I traveled from CVG to LGA for a weekend in New York City!

It was my first time visiting Ben since he moved there last April, and we had an absolute blast.

Friday

• Ben met me at Grand Central Station. Each time I see him, I swear I could hug him for hours (in a not creepy way). 
• It was incredibly warm in NYC and remained so nearly the entire weekend. This was mostly nice but took away from that Christmassy feel.
• Wheeling along my luggage, we went to the Christmas market in Bryant Park followed by lunch. Ben turned out to be the worst luggage wheeler EVER. He was always tripping over it and running into things. 
  
• That night, Ben, his boyfriend, and I went to the Standard in the Meatpacking District for cocktails. It was the glitziest bar I've ever been to, and the views were swoon worthy. 
  
• Afterwards, we enjoyed tapas and drinks at several different restaurants, ending up at one with hookah and a belly dancer. 
  

Saturday

• Ben and I shopped until we dropped (almost quite literally) in Soho. I found a gorgeous coat at Zara and a really neat piece of art on the street.
  
• We basked in the glory of Rockefeller Plaza and were jostled beyond belief by the masses of people.
  
• By the time dinner rolled around, we were utterly exhausted. Every restaurant we went into had a two hour wait! 
• Finally, we found a restaurant that was almost completely empty. The hostess sighed, "We're all booked up for the night, but you can sit at our communal table." Bloggers, please see the below photo (okay, okay...in all fairness, those tables did fill up within fifteen minutes or so but at first, Ben and I were positive that the hostess was just being a snob).
  
• That night, Ben, his boyfriend, and I watched Bridesmaids and feasted on Oreos and milk. It was perfect.

Sunday

• Ben and I bought standing room tickets for Kinky Boots! For only $27, we had one of the best views in the entire theatre! There happened to be a radiator with one of those coverings over it so we even had a place to sit down when we needed to! Of course, the play was so much fun, we wanted to be up and dancing along most of the time. Kinky Boots was my favorite part of the entire weekend.
• We waited in line at Levain Bakery and then enjoyed our cookies and milk in Central Park. Talk about heaven!
  
• Ben and I met up with his boyfriend in the East Village (I think...maybe it was West? Who knows) for dinner. We ended up at a German restaurant singing Christmas carols!

Monday

• Back to Soho we went for more shopping and lunch with a friend!
• The weather was miserable- it was pouring rain and the temperatures were starting to drop. The shops and sidewalks were beyond crowded, and I'll admit, I really missed Cincinnati and its lack of crowdedness.
• I got a gorgeous manicure and ended up with sparkly gold nails!
• Ben and I had the most decadent hot chocolate at Mariebelle's. It was nearly as thick as brownie batter!
  
• It was no small feat getting to LaGuardia Airport that evening. But more to come on that later.

You've worn me out for quite a while, NYC! I'll see you in about a year (or two)...whenever I get my energy back!

The time I tried to find love at Sunday mass

This morning, I trudged through the cold rain towards 10:30 mass (expertly leaping over puddles and managing to keep my hair in perfect form thanks to my new Zara raincoat).

I made it to church just in time and slid into an empty pew towards the back.

Right before the opening song began, a handsome man sat down in my very pew!

Was this a sign from God? Had he chosen this exact pew because of me?

This was going to make for such a romantic love story.

Despite the December rain -it was freezing!- I decided to make the trek to morning mass. Why I chose a pew in the back as opposed to my normal one in the middle, we'll just never know...but I think it must have been kismet.

At my parish, everyone joins together to hold hands during the "Our Father" prayer.

The attractive stranger's hand was much bigger than mine and much warmer. I hoped he didn't think I was some sort of freak with cold hands.

When we shook hands during the sign of peace, I studied his face closely. He had a nice smile and kind eyes.

After mass, I may have taken my time buttoning up my jacket. I might have been hoping that the man would make some small talk with me, but he was sticking around to pray.

Imagine that.

I headed off to Starbucks to get a Pumpkin Spice Latte and then to the campus bookstore where I needed to purchase Microsoft Word for my new laptop.

Sadly, the bookstore turned out to be closed on Sundays during winter break.

As I walked back towards home, I couldn't believe my eyes- it was the man from church! Walking up ahead!

He was crazy far away, but I thought that just maybe my power walking skills (thanks to my 5'9" mother with legs that are a million miles long, I had to learn from a young age to walk quickly in order to keep up) would get me there in time.

I jogged across four lanes of traffic (okay, so that's a bit dramatic considering the road was perfectly clear) because this had to be a sign now! I mean, really...what were the chances?

Unfortunately, he walked past my street, and I wasn't feeling desperate enough to walk by my house on such a cold and wet morning.

And so ended yet another failed attempt at romance.

Oh well. At least I can still enjoy this divine PSL.

Happy Sunday! I hope it's a relaxing one!

Merry Christmas to all!

I have a gazillion things to write about! But today, I'd like to just bask in the glow of Christmas.

My Christmas was a bit different than any others in the past.

I didn't arrive home from New York until late Monday, just before midnight.

It was also my first year working on Christmas Eve (no sympathy violins, just a first).

Since my mom also worked on Christmas Eve, we didn't get to to go to the Krohn Conservatory's holiday display as we normally do, and we ended up at 10pm mass (which I nearly fell asleep during). Those parts were sort of sad, but we still had a magnificent holiday!

As usual, my dad put together a fantastic Christmas Eve feast.

Christmas Eve is always perfectly cozy for my family. We eat our most favorite heavy appetizers and lounge and watch Christmas movies and play games. It's incredibly laid back and happy and my most favorite night of the entire year.

Christmas morning, Ellie and I slept in until 10:30. Joel and Ben slept until 11, and my parents awoke at an unknown hour prior to the rest of us.

I received far more than I deserve, including a MacBook Pro (which I am currently typing on), a set of my favorite Urban Decay eyeliners, a Kate Spade gift card, delicious smelling soaps, new gym shoes so I can become skinny, etc, etc...see what I mean?

We ate a big breakfast cooked by my dad and consisting of goetta, egg casserole, muffins, sausage, and hash browns.

Then, I took a shower and got ready for my grandparents' house while singing along to the Kinky Boots soundtrack.

My grandparents' house was as wonderful as ever. We enjoyed a big, traditional dinner cooked by my grandma (I truly don't know how she does it) followed by presents.

Once again, I was spoiled like crazy. Marc Jacobs "Daisy" perfume (I've been out for over a year now!), gorgeous teal and gold shoes, a book about the patron saints, and a French press were just some of the items brought home.

After opening gifts, we all sat around and drank wassail and ate cookies and "bull crapped" as my grandpa calls it.

It was a very, very happy Christmas.

I am 24 (almost)!

This afternoon, my family celebrated the 24th anniversary of me arriving in this world on one very cold, snowy night in 1989.

Kudos to my mum for making this day possible.

Even though my actual birthday isn't until Thursday, we were forced to celebrate today as I will be traipsing around New York City next weekend.

As usual, my family made me feel like the most special and loved girl in the world.

My grandma baked me a delicious cake (chocolate inside and vanilla frosting on the outside) complete with Harry Potter on top.

"Can I please have a Harry Potter cake?" I ask her each year.

She acts like this is normal.

That is unconditional love, if you were curious.

Of course, my family also spoiled me like crazy.

My older brother presented me with a Macy's gift card, two bottles of wine, and a fancy candy tray (because I am obviously wasting away and need the calories).

My grandma and grandpa bought me a new Longchamp bag in this beautiful hue of dark gray and a GORGEOUS pair of glitzy gold Tory Burch flats. Seriously. My grandparents rock.

My parents gave me the complete Little House on the Prairie series in a quaint boxed set (AMAZING!), an alarm clock that projects the time on the ceiling (total surprise and something I've been wanting since my last one went missing in a move), and then?

A NEW DAVID YURMAN RING!

Here I am showing the original off two years ago (or maybe a decent nail painting job?). Regardless, this is weird. So...sorry about that.

Two years ago, my parents gave me the Yurman crossover ring for my 22nd birthday.

I absolutely loved that ring and almost never took it off.

Until a spring evening last April when while eating sushi, it felt too tight on my finger. I stupidly placed it in my purse, and I never saw it again.

I wanted to vomit. It made me sick that I had lost such an expensive ring and one that my parents had given me, no less!

The replacement Yurman ring today, the exact same kind as the one I lost, almost brought me to tears.

I stopped myself though because it seemed extremely materialistic and superficial to cry over a piece of jewelry.

Anyway.

I have a very great feeling about my 24th year.

I believe it is going to be my best yet! :)

Two classes down and nine to go!

What a week it has been, bloggers!

Today marks the end of my first semester of graduate school.

These past 16 weeks have been challenging, exciting, and to be completely honest, quite grueling.

The following points sum up my first semester of grad school.

Late nights and the occasional all-nighter are much more difficult to pull off in grad school. Doing these in undergrad was no problem for me. I would stay up all night, go to class, and then come home to sleep. Graduate school means staying up all night, working a demanding full-time job, and then likely having class until 9PM. Let's just say I will be budgeting my time better in future semesters.

via

The professors are completely different in grad school. They treat you as peers rather than students, and it's very cool.

It's basically just like this.

There is no busywork. This is mostly great except for those nights when you'd just kill for an easy assignment and instead are sending your poor overworked mind into a tailspin trying to think straight and finish up an assignment.

Can I please have the occasional crossword puzzle, please?

Free time? What is that? I had a very hard time adjusting to the fact that I really wasn't granted much free time anymore. Evenings and weekends are mostly consumed with projects, group work, and reading. It's pretty rough.

When times get rough, channel Hermione.

Class discussions are way more interesting. People speak because they have valuable things to say, not to gain bonus points with the professor.

It's an incredible feeling to be learning again. 

Despite the stress and pressure that grad school brings, I feel proud of myself for taking on this challenge and am truly valuing all the knowledge I am acquiring.

Of course, I am so looking forward to my winter break and getting to spend my evenings and weekends with friends, family, and books (among other things).

Two classes down and nine to go!

A New Beginning

Last night, I set four different alarms. And then checked them all twice.

Because this morning?

I began my new job.

My dream job.

I was nervous, of course.

No one likes to be that awkward "new girl" who doesn't know where the restrooms are located (Although, does that even matter? As the new girl, you're also too worried that people will think you use the restroom too much so instead hold it for long periods of time) and is oozing with overeagerness.

via

My day really wasn't very awkward, though.

It was really quite incredible.

I wore my red rain boots for some added self confidence and a braid in my hair (to make me feel like myself).

My coworkers were all so welcoming and nice to me and no one treated me like a huge dork.

The girl training me is just amazing, and she made me feel comfortable asking any and all questions! Besides that, she is a blast to spend time with.

I loved going to work downtown and getting to glance out a window at any point of day and admire the city.

The bit of actual work I got to do today was interesting, enjoyable, and made me think.

I feel like one very, very lucky girl.

I am already looking forward to going back tomorrow!

My parents rock at St. Nick's Day.

My mom spent the night at my house on Thursday night.

With the hospital she works at a mere 5 minute drive from my house and a snowstorm on its way, she figured it would be safest to hunker down at my home to ensure a smoother Friday morning commute.

Along with a bottle of wine and her own bedding (seriously Mum...WHY), she arrived with my St. Nick's stocking!

Here were some the contents:

• Candy, including my favorite Snickers Nutcrackers
• Cute little notebook
• Chipotle gift card
• WILLIAM AND KATE COMMEMORATIVE TIN FILLED WITH ENGLISH BREAKFAST TEA BAGS
  
• Lush "Big" Shampoo

  

  via

• Christmas coasters

Thank you, Mum and Dad! Your St. Nick stockings have only gotten better over the years- I feel like one very lucky girl!

Au revoir medical writing and hello marketing!

I have been holding back some really big news from the blogging world.

Today was my last day at my medical writing job.

Because on Monday?

I will be starting my dream job!

These past few weeks have been an absolute whirlwind, and I feel so incredibly lucky.

Today though, I'd like to reflect on my last week at my very first "adult" job.

• My coworker, Kelli, sneakily arranged my Elf on the Shelf in various positions each night after I left the office. The highlight of the week was undoubtedly arriving to my desk to see all of the "animals of the department" throwing Neville a goodbye party, complete with party hats and cupcakes (which I ate).
   
  
  
  
• I received the most amazing cards and kind words from truly extraordinary people. I felt (and still feel) so loved!
  
• I ate my last free lunch (a perk of my former employer) today, and it consisted of lunch meat and cucumbers. 
• My cousin over in the accounting department braved the snowstorm and bought me a red velvet cheesecake cupcake! What a guy.
• I got to hug so many coworkers who I've honestly wanted to hug for months (Does that sound creepy?). I feel like I've been through so many ups and downs with these people and endured innumerable stressful situations...it felt amazing to finally get to hug some of them! You know, as hugging is generally considered unprofessional and all.
• My last day was a strange one in that Cincinnati is in the middle of a snowstorm! Everyone ended up leaving between 12 and 2. I'm happy to report that I am home safe and sound now.

I will always feel so appreciative to my former employer.

My manager gave me a chance as a new college graduate with only a few months of editing experience to my name, and I learned so much along the way.

Even though medical writing was terribly scary at times (and made me feel totally lost more often than not), I am incredibly thankful for the experience and all of the new knowledge I've gained.

Not to mention the wonderful friends I made along the way.

Au revoir medical writing!

And hello marketing world!

Urban Comfort

I live on a busy street.

Not crazy busy.

But definitely moderately busy.

My house is in a college neighborhood close to downtown, and there is always something happening on my block.

As I fall asleep at night though, I love lying in bed, all cuddled up in my down comforter, and listening to the sounds outside my window.

Cars with their stereos set just a little too loud. Sirens zooming by. Students laughing and talking. The squeaky brakes of a bus.

All of these sounds remind me that I'm not alone in this world and bring me an incredible sense of calm.

I'd take my urban comfort over a babbling brook or rainforest sounds any day.

Although maybe not over a good thunderstorm.

Now that is debatable.

Finals Week(s): Grad School Edition

After an incredibly tumultuous fourteen weeks, the final two weeks of the semester have arrived with a vengeance.

Below is my game plan for survival.

Playlist
"Roar" by Katy Perry
The Mary Tyler Moore Show theme song
"Applause" by Lady Gaga
Any Christmas song by Amy Grant
"Miracles Happen" by Myra (You know, the last song in The Princess Diaries movie...when Michael kisses Mia and she finally gets her real foot-popping kiss? That song)

via

Caffeine Sources
Diet Coke
Crystal Light Energy packets
Any bit of coffee I can get my hands on

Sources of Happiness
Buying myself tulips (#singlegirlproblems)
Online shopping
Bath and Body Works "Fresh Balsam" candle
Watching YouTube clips from The Mindy Project
Quick but encouraging phone calls and texts from friends who still like me despite my nervy b's
My new Lilly Pulitizer planner (it is perfect)

Sleep
List of things more likely to happen:

• Hugh Jackman appearing with his American Express card and demanding to take me on a shopping spree
• A handsome stranger approaching me in Starbucks because he has fallen in love with me at first sight
• Casually losing 20 pounds
• Kate Middleton and Prince William asking me to be the royal nanny

Wish me luck, bloggers!

Are disc drives a thing of the past?

My current laptop is a 2008 white MacBook.

Despite its cracked plastic around the keyboard, inability to update Adobe Flash Player, and archaic programs, I think it is classic and beautiful and perfect.

Unfortunately, the previously noted quirks (in addition to a few other problems, including a Friday night tumble down the stairs [AWFUL]) are making a new computer an increasingly pressing issue.

My parents agreed that they would buy me a new computer for my upcoming birthday (and Christmas) so I navigated over to Apple's website and started my research.

First, I looked at the MacBook Air.

"Hmm...no disc drive..." I observed, quickly clicking away. "I need a disc drive!"

My friend, Kenny, had suggested I take the unconventional route and choose an iMac.

The idea of having a desktop was growing on me, and I opened up its respective page on the Apple website and read more information.

"NO DISC DRIVE?" I practically shouted (dramatic, I know) when I realized that this computer, too, came without one. "But it's a desktop!"

Growing worried, I grabbed the telephone and dialed 1-800-MY-APPLE.

After a ten minute wait, I was connected to a representative.

I told him the dilemma as I explained, "I love making iMovies, and I need a disc drive. Which of your computers includes a disc drive?"

"Only one. The MacBook Pro without retina display," he told me, his voice chipper despite the dire situation.

"Why would you get rid of the disc drives?" I was numb. Blown away. Confused. Hurt. Agitated. "Why wouldn't you even include one on a desktop computer?"

"We discovered that our customers don't use the disc drives, and we got rid of them when we lowered prices," he replied, still cheerful. Still unaware of my pain. "You can purchase an external one for $79."

Here is what I wanted to say:

• Apple lowered its prices? Fine. But let's not pretend like Tim Cook is handing these out for free.
• People don't use disc drives anymore? Say what?
• Why would a person want to spend $1200 on a computer and then have to shell out an additional $79 for a disc drive?
• I am angry.
• I want to cry.
• I just want a disc drive!

Instead, I said, "Thank you for you help. Bye."

Maybe I'm showing my age here, but don't we all still use disc drives? Doesn't anyone curl up in bed and binge-watch Sex and the City from their laptop? Aren't there fellow iMovie creators out there who like to burn their works of art on DVDs?

Oh, Apple...how you further crush my soul.

A Shopaholic's Views on Black Friday

I am a self-admitted shopaholic.

When someone asks me to list my hobbies, shopping consistently holds its number three slot, right behind reading and writing.

It's no surprise that when Thanksgiving begins to draw near, many people are saying, "Jenna, where do you go for Black Friday?"

Except I do not go anywhere for Black Friday.

Because Black Friday?

Totally not my thing.

For me, Black Friday is reminiscent of the pandemonium surrounding a piñata at a child's birthday party.

I have terrible memories of these things.

I can remember standing back in horror as all of the other children dived for candy, pushing and jostling and shoving along the way.

"It's not worth it! It's just candy," I can remember thinking, likely followed by, "I'll just ask my dad to stop and get me some candy cigarettes on the way home."

This is now how I feel when I see videos of Black Friday shoppers running into Target stores, shimmying under rising security gates, or elbowing another customer out of the way to nab some electronic.

Someone save this poor Target employee!

It all seems so barbaric.

I'd really just rather pay full price for something than deal with that sort of hysteria.

So, unless I have to catch a flight to somewhere glamorous, Hugh Jackman is on my doorstep, or there is a royal wedding being televised, I will remain in my bed during the early hours of Thanksgiving morning.

Thanksgiving Mass

This past Sunday, I arrived half an hour early to 5:30 mass.

As I took my seat in one of the pews, I was feeling beyond stressed with schoolwork, and I had a tension headache quickly gaining momentum.

I sighed, rubbing my temples.

Closing my eyes for a few seconds, I opened them once more and took a real look around me.

The church was darkened, the only light shining from candles.

via

Just a few other people were there praying, and I felt as though I had the entire church to myself.

It was so quiet and calm.

By the time the mass actually started, my headache started to fade, and I felt an incredible sense of relief.

"I would like each of you to introduce yourselves to the person beside you," the priest said, "and tell that person what you're thankful for this year."

I met a super sweet girl who happened to be in the same sorority as my cousin!

We talked about what we were thankful for each year and even ended up staying for a few minutes after mass to chat a bit more.

It was the most perfect way to begin Thanksgiving week, and it reminded me how important weekly mass is for my emotional sanity.

...even more essential than wine ;)

Happy Thanksgiving Eve!

A Magical Morning

This morning, I got to be a part of a very big surprise.

My friend, Megan, has been traveling around Southeast Asia for the past six months.

Photo courtesy of Meg Vogel Photography

She went over there for a photography internship and ended up staying well past her allotted few months.

This girl is so brave that not only did she pack up and head to a foreign continent, she decided to backpack across it solo!

I mean, I think I'm courageous when I go to a movie alone for goodness sake.

Anyway!

Megan's parents thought she was all set to come home at the end of the year, right before Christmastime.

I thought the same until I received an email a few weeks ago, detailing Megan's grand scheme!

:)

This morning at 6AM, I went and picked Megan up from the airport.

"You're so clean!" I exclaimed, as we hugged over and over again. "I thought you were going to be gritty and gross."

(I also thought I was going to have to lie and wave my hand dismissively, "What? Of course you don't smell!")

"Really? I've been traveling for 40 hours!" My poor friend responded.

I drove Megan to her parents' house, the half hour car ride not nearly long enough for all of the catching up we had to do.

Once we arrived at her house, she handed me her GoPro camera and we walked towards the front porch.

Megan pulled out her cell phone and dialed her home number.

"It's so cold here!" she exclaimed when her mom answered the phone. I assume some confusion followed. Megan went on, "It's so cold in Cincinnati! Come to the front door."

Bloggers, the scene I was able to witness (and record with the GoPro!) was awing.

Megan's mom opened the door, and started to cry as they hugged each other.

Megan's dad wasn't far behind and more hugging and exclamations followed.

The family's goldendoodle bounced around merrily.

I had tears in my eyes and chills up my arms.

It was the absolute perfect way to begin the holiday season, and I feel SO lucky that I was able to help Megan with such a beautiful surprise.

Oh, and I totally felt like I was in a scene from Love Actually.

It was absolutely magical.

The time my elf was kidnapped

A few months ago, I thought it would be fun to get my Elf on the Shelf, Neville, back out to have some fun at work.

You know, hiding him in coworkers' drawers, on coat hangers, behind computer monitors...normal cubeland places.

"That elf is so creepy," my one coworker told me. "If you ever put him in my cube, you'll never see him again."

I hid Neville inside her cube within 15 minutes.

When I stopped over later to laugh with her about it and fetch my elf, she said she had not been joking.

NEVILLE WAS GONE.

Below are all true events in the kidnapping of Neville.

First, my coworker posted this heart-wrenching photo to my Facebook wall, captioned, "Someone just sent this to me with instructions to post it here. This looks bad..."

Then came a ransom note left at my desk!

Dear Ms. Beall,

By now, you know that we have Neville. We urge you do not involve the authorities in any way. If you comply with our demands, we will attempt to reunite you with Neville at a future point in time. But if you involve the police in any way, you will never see Neville again.

You should await our further instruction.

Yours, etc.
The Elfin Liberation Army.

The ransom note was followed by another Facebook post, this photo much more TERRIFYING!

"Um, those weird elves just sent me this."

The post also included another note from Neville's captors.


Oh, shoot. They also sent this?

Dear Ms. Beall,

Apologies for the delay in sending this message. Neville’s deprogramming is taking longer than we had anticipated. It seems he is deeply bonded with you. We see this sometimes with our elfin brethren. They are taken from their homes at such a tender age and sent to live with humans while still so impressionable.

Ms. Beall, that is why we “took” Neville back from you, and now that we know about the power and influence you wield on the World Wide Web, we need your help to shed light on the plight of elves today. See, many years ago, the first elves ventured out from the North Pole in search of adventure and excitement. Many of them found happiness by assimilating into human society. But like all good things, it became increasingly popular for humans to “have” an elf. And once that desire was ignited, like everything else greedy humans became interested in, it was only a matter of time before all the Free Choice elves had human families, but many more humans were left wanting to “have” an elf. Since that time, some sinister problems have developed. Elfin trafficking has become a serious problem for us and it needs serious attention from you. 

We know that you and your friends all think it’s “adorable,” “cool,” and even “hip” to have an elf live in your home. You can trot the elf out around the holidays, parade him around for guests, try to catch him in the act of doing something “naughty” so you can post it on your Pinstergrams and Instarest boards, in your Faceyplaces and your MyBooks, to impress all your little friends, and – more importantly, your frenemies. 

But have you really thought about that elf’s life before he came to live with you? He had a family – parents, siblings, even pets – who miss him terribly. And he? He doesn’t even know the ways of the elves – his own kind. He never had time to learn and grow up enough to make a decision for himself about whether to stay with us at the North Pole or to choose for himself to leave us and make his own way in the world. Can you imagine being ripped from your home in such a way? Of course not. It’s too difficult to contemplate.

So we need your help, Ms. Beall. In the coming weeks, we’ll be calling on your to use the power of your voice as a means for real change in the world. We need you. The kidnapped elfin children of the world need you. But most importantly, Neville needs you. Please don’t let him down.

Oh, and don’t worry about that photo – Neville’s just being his usual helpful self and checking our tire alignment – you should have that checked at every oil change, you know.

Until our next instruction, we remain, respectfully,
-The Elfin Liberation Army

This morning, I arrived to my new cube for the first time as my department moved buildings over the weekend.

I opened my drawer to find...NEVILLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He was all tied up but safe and sound!

The note attached read, "Jenna! I escaped my captors, but when I came home, you were gone. Please don't ever let me out of your sight again! Also, can I get some help with these ties?"

Coworker 1, Jenna 0.

Bravo, bravo.

My First Futon Guest!

I am very excited to report that tonight, I will be hosting my very first futon guest!

I would like to thank a few people for making this occasion possible, most notably Target for producing my beautiful, turquoise couch and Taylor the Tool-man for carrying it up the many, many stairs and then building it.

How does it look? Fit for a queen?

My friend, Kelsey, is venturing down to Cincinnati tonight for a friend's wedding and invited me as her date.

Lovely, lovely.

As you know, I just love weddings and am so looking forward to a night of gorgeous gowns, white wine (red wine makes me too nervous at weddings as I am convinced I'll be the guest who spills on the bride's dress), and twisting (the only dance move I can do without looking like a fool).

We will be missing our dear Libby Lou, the girl who makes our little threesome complete, but she'll be there in spirit (and via Snapchat).

I hope everyone has a fantastic weekend!