A Shopaholic's Views on Black Friday

I am a self-admitted shopaholic.

When someone asks me to list my hobbies, shopping consistently holds its number three slot, right behind reading and writing.

It's no surprise that when Thanksgiving begins to draw near, many people are saying, "Jenna, where do you go for Black Friday?"

Except I do not go anywhere for Black Friday.

Because Black Friday?

Totally not my thing.

For me, Black Friday is reminiscent of the pandemonium surrounding a piñata at a child's birthday party.

I have terrible memories of these things.

I can remember standing back in horror as all of the other children dived for candy, pushing and jostling and shoving along the way.

"It's not worth it! It's just candy," I can remember thinking, likely followed by, "I'll just ask my dad to stop and get me some candy cigarettes on the way home."

This is now how I feel when I see videos of Black Friday shoppers running into Target stores, shimmying under rising security gates, or elbowing another customer out of the way to nab some electronic.

Someone save this poor Target employee!

It all seems so barbaric.

I'd really just rather pay full price for something than deal with that sort of hysteria.

So, unless I have to catch a flight to somewhere glamorous, Hugh Jackman is on my doorstep, or there is a royal wedding being televised, I will remain in my bed during the early hours of Thanksgiving morning.

Thanksgiving Mass

This past Sunday, I arrived half an hour early to 5:30 mass.

As I took my seat in one of the pews, I was feeling beyond stressed with schoolwork, and I had a tension headache quickly gaining momentum.

I sighed, rubbing my temples.

Closing my eyes for a few seconds, I opened them once more and took a real look around me.

The church was darkened, the only light shining from candles.

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Just a few other people were there praying, and I felt as though I had the entire church to myself.

It was so quiet and calm.

By the time the mass actually started, my headache started to fade, and I felt an incredible sense of relief.

"I would like each of you to introduce yourselves to the person beside you," the priest said, "and tell that person what you're thankful for this year."

I met a super sweet girl who happened to be in the same sorority as my cousin!

We talked about what we were thankful for each year and even ended up staying for a few minutes after mass to chat a bit more.

It was the most perfect way to begin Thanksgiving week, and it reminded me how important weekly mass is for my emotional sanity.

...even more essential than wine ;)

Happy Thanksgiving Eve!

A Magical Morning

This morning, I got to be a part of a very big surprise.

My friend, Megan, has been traveling around Southeast Asia for the past six months.

Photo courtesy of Meg Vogel Photography

She went over there for a photography internship and ended up staying well past her allotted few months.

This girl is so brave that not only did she pack up and head to a foreign continent, she decided to backpack across it solo!

I mean, I think I'm courageous when I go to a movie alone for goodness sake.

Anyway!

Megan's parents thought she was all set to come home at the end of the year, right before Christmastime.

I thought the same until I received an email a few weeks ago, detailing Megan's grand scheme!

:)

This morning at 6AM, I went and picked Megan up from the airport.

"You're so clean!" I exclaimed, as we hugged over and over again. "I thought you were going to be gritty and gross."

(I also thought I was going to have to lie and wave my hand dismissively, "What? Of course you don't smell!")

"Really? I've been traveling for 40 hours!" My poor friend responded.

I drove Megan to her parents' house, the half hour car ride not nearly long enough for all of the catching up we had to do.

Once we arrived at her house, she handed me her GoPro camera and we walked towards the front porch.

Megan pulled out her cell phone and dialed her home number.

"It's so cold here!" she exclaimed when her mom answered the phone. I assume some confusion followed. Megan went on, "It's so cold in Cincinnati! Come to the front door."

Bloggers, the scene I was able to witness (and record with the GoPro!) was awing.

Megan's mom opened the door, and started to cry as they hugged each other.

Megan's dad wasn't far behind and more hugging and exclamations followed.

The family's goldendoodle bounced around merrily.

I had tears in my eyes and chills up my arms.

It was the absolute perfect way to begin the holiday season, and I feel SO lucky that I was able to help Megan with such a beautiful surprise.

Oh, and I totally felt like I was in a scene from Love Actually.

It was absolutely magical.

The time my elf was kidnapped

A few months ago, I thought it would be fun to get my Elf on the Shelf, Neville, back out to have some fun at work.

You know, hiding him in coworkers' drawers, on coat hangers, behind computer monitors...normal cubeland places.

"That elf is so creepy," my one coworker told me. "If you ever put him in my cube, you'll never see him again."

I hid Neville inside her cube within 15 minutes.

When I stopped over later to laugh with her about it and fetch my elf, she said she had not been joking.

NEVILLE WAS GONE.

Below are all true events in the kidnapping of Neville.

First, my coworker posted this heart-wrenching photo to my Facebook wall, captioned, "Someone just sent this to me with instructions to post it here. This looks bad..."

Then came a ransom note left at my desk!

Dear Ms. Beall,

By now, you know that we have Neville. We urge you do not involve the authorities in any way. If you comply with our demands, we will attempt to reunite you with Neville at a future point in time. But if you involve the police in any way, you will never see Neville again.

You should await our further instruction.

Yours, etc.
The Elfin Liberation Army.

The ransom note was followed by another Facebook post, this photo much more TERRIFYING!

"Um, those weird elves just sent me this."

The post also included another note from Neville's captors.


Oh, shoot. They also sent this?

Dear Ms. Beall,

Apologies for the delay in sending this message. Neville’s deprogramming is taking longer than we had anticipated. It seems he is deeply bonded with you. We see this sometimes with our elfin brethren. They are taken from their homes at such a tender age and sent to live with humans while still so impressionable.

Ms. Beall, that is why we “took” Neville back from you, and now that we know about the power and influence you wield on the World Wide Web, we need your help to shed light on the plight of elves today. See, many years ago, the first elves ventured out from the North Pole in search of adventure and excitement. Many of them found happiness by assimilating into human society. But like all good things, it became increasingly popular for humans to “have” an elf. And once that desire was ignited, like everything else greedy humans became interested in, it was only a matter of time before all the Free Choice elves had human families, but many more humans were left wanting to “have” an elf. Since that time, some sinister problems have developed. Elfin trafficking has become a serious problem for us and it needs serious attention from you. 

We know that you and your friends all think it’s “adorable,” “cool,” and even “hip” to have an elf live in your home. You can trot the elf out around the holidays, parade him around for guests, try to catch him in the act of doing something “naughty” so you can post it on your Pinstergrams and Instarest boards, in your Faceyplaces and your MyBooks, to impress all your little friends, and – more importantly, your frenemies. 

But have you really thought about that elf’s life before he came to live with you? He had a family – parents, siblings, even pets – who miss him terribly. And he? He doesn’t even know the ways of the elves – his own kind. He never had time to learn and grow up enough to make a decision for himself about whether to stay with us at the North Pole or to choose for himself to leave us and make his own way in the world. Can you imagine being ripped from your home in such a way? Of course not. It’s too difficult to contemplate.

So we need your help, Ms. Beall. In the coming weeks, we’ll be calling on your to use the power of your voice as a means for real change in the world. We need you. The kidnapped elfin children of the world need you. But most importantly, Neville needs you. Please don’t let him down.

Oh, and don’t worry about that photo – Neville’s just being his usual helpful self and checking our tire alignment – you should have that checked at every oil change, you know.

Until our next instruction, we remain, respectfully,
-The Elfin Liberation Army

This morning, I arrived to my new cube for the first time as my department moved buildings over the weekend.

I opened my drawer to find...NEVILLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He was all tied up but safe and sound!

The note attached read, "Jenna! I escaped my captors, but when I came home, you were gone. Please don't ever let me out of your sight again! Also, can I get some help with these ties?"

Coworker 1, Jenna 0.

Bravo, bravo.

My First Futon Guest!

I am very excited to report that tonight, I will be hosting my very first futon guest!

I would like to thank a few people for making this occasion possible, most notably Target for producing my beautiful, turquoise couch and Taylor the Tool-man for carrying it up the many, many stairs and then building it.

How does it look? Fit for a queen?

My friend, Kelsey, is venturing down to Cincinnati tonight for a friend's wedding and invited me as her date.

Lovely, lovely.

As you know, I just love weddings and am so looking forward to a night of gorgeous gowns, white wine (red wine makes me too nervous at weddings as I am convinced I'll be the guest who spills on the bride's dress), and twisting (the only dance move I can do without looking like a fool).

We will be missing our dear Libby Lou, the girl who makes our little threesome complete, but she'll be there in spirit (and via Snapchat).

I hope everyone has a fantastic weekend!

The moment I became an adult

Yesterday, I became an adult.

"How?" You may ask.

I bought a second set of sheets for my bed.*

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Do you know how mature that is?

One of my married friends recently told me that even she and her husband do not possess a second set of sheets for their bed!

Sure, these sheets might be bright pink and from Target.

But let's not be fickle here.

*Currently no photo available since they're taking a trip through the washing machine and dryer in hopes of losing their enchanting chemical scent and possibly even gaining a new level of softness.

"No more breakfast!"

This morning, I met my school project parter for brunch at Panera.

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We set an 11AM meeting time, and I arrived a few minutes early.

Breakfast food definitely sounded good, and I found myself overwhelmed with the menu possibilities.

Ah, I always enjoyed their souffles! But which flavor to choose?

Although...what about the power sandwiches? I could use some power!

The mediterranean sandwich looked delicious, but hadn't my coworker just told me how much she didn't like that one?

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"I can take you right here," one of the Panera employees smiled, probably wondering if I was actually just a loiterer trying to escape the cold.

"Still deciding! So many options!" I replied.

Of course, the moment after I said this, a family of seven trooped in and (rightly so) took my place in line.

I looked at my watch anxiously.

10:59!

Panera stopped serving breakfast items at 11 on weekends!

Finally, the family had been served, and I stepped up to the register.

"No more breakfast!" One of the male employees shouted quite aggressively. "Breakfast is over!"

What? Noooooooooooo!!!!!

"How can I help you?"

I looked back at the Panera employee and sighed, "I'll take the pick two with French onion soup and the Bacon Turkey Bravo sandwich, please."

"Chips or baguette?"

Did it even MATTER? I wanted a breakfast sandwich!

"Baguette...oh, and can I please get an iced coffee?"

I at least wanted some breakfast aspect in my meal.

From now on, I will be scanning my menu options before arriving at the restaurant.

And I'll also be keeping a close eye out for any families of seven.

46 Days of Christmas

Remember how I fell down the Target Christmas decorations rabbit hole yesterday?

Apparently, I had fallen so deep into Christmas mode that there was no saving me.

When I arrived at my desk this morning, there was the most adorable gingerbread girl ornament and Christmas mix CD awaiting me!

My coworker is just about the sweetest person you'll ever meet, and she always has her grandma sew us these crazy cute ornaments. I just love my gingerbread girl, and the Christmas mix CD she also made?

28 songs of AMAZING.

After work, I found myself pulling into the parking lot of HomeGoods (How did that happen?), and I bought a few more holiday decorations while I was there.

Look at the state of my bedroom.

...and it's only November 8th!

I have also switched out my Leaves candle for Fresh Balsam.

I feel like some sort of Christmas-crazed monster!

Thursday Target Trip

Believe it or not, it had been a few weeks (okay, it had been about 5 days) since I had leisurely perused my local Target, and I decided that strolling around my favorite store was the number one thing I wanted to do after work this evening.

I knew I was in for a good trip judging by the goods in the dollar section.

You can always tell how successful your Target trip will be based on what the dollar section currently has to offer.

I picked up a bunch of fun office supplies and headed off to the personal care department where I had to get some Cetaphil facial moisturizer. 

After tossing some kitchen garbage bags, a birthday card, and a box of Kashi breakfast bars into my cart, I was looking over the Vitamin Water selection when I suddenly heard something magical.

Christmas music.

It was probably playing all of the store, but it was definitely originating from the back corner.

Almost hypnotized, I walked towards it.

Closer, closer.

Louder, louder.

And there it was- all of the beautiful, glorious, magnificent CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS!!!!!!!!

There was so much glitter and sparkle and joy!

I threw a green reindeer into my cart -why not?- followed by two sets of Christmas towels.

I decided that I wanted a menorah for my front windowsill until I saw that the one I liked was $20 and figured I would survive without it.

At that point, I was able to finally pull myself away.

"I'll be back for you," I wanted to whisper to the stuffed snowman and the wreath made entirely of ornaments. 

I added a snowflake pillow to my treasures and a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon and headed toward the check-out.

"Oh! Oh, shoot," I sighed, remembering that I had only brought my Target RedCard inside with me. "I don't have my ID!"

The cashier, who has checked me out with wine probably 1121293812983 times, merely set the wine back behind the register and kept scanning!

He may as well have been the "Soup Nazi" from Seinfeld and snapped, "No wine for you!"

Oh, well.

At least I have my Christmas decorations to enjoy tonight!

Homage to My Hips

So.

Sometimes?

I don't like my body.

I can remember being younger and praying to God for thinner eyebrows, curlier hair, less freckles...and most of all?

Smaller hips.

Man oh man do I have wide hips. 

Nearly every woman on my mom's side of the family does.

I've always been a bit embarrassed by mine until one day, my professor in my 20th Century Women Writers class passed out a poem by Lucille Clifton titled "Homage to My Hips."

And suddenly?

I was proud of my hips.

My hips were powerful.

They were beautiful.

They were strong.

Now, whenever I'm having an "I feel ugly" day (Aren't we all prone to those?), I think of the poem and I hold my head a little higher and sway those wide hips confidently.

Because these hips...

go where they want to go
they do what they want to do
these hips are mighty hips.
these hips are magic hips.

Comfort

I spent the night at my parents' house last night since I was on their side of town for my cousin's wedding.

I wore a new black and white striped dress I had purchased from The Impeccable Pig down in Nashville and had such a nice night drinking Dirty Shirleys and catching up with family.

My cousin looked so handsome, and his new wife was absolutely stunning.

The toasts by the maids of honor and best men were so heartfelt and wonderful that I had tears in my eyes! Eeeeep!

This morning, I woke up after a wonderful night's sleep.

A 12 hour (!!!) night's sleep.

I am seriously le tired when the weekend rolls around.

I felt so cozy in my childhood bedroom, the ceiling fan gently blowing air across my face as Ellie snuggled against my side.

I looked out the window to see another gorgeous autumn day.

I swear...I haven't experienced a fall this beautiful in years!

When I opened my bedroom door, I could smell pumpkin and hear my mom cooking downstairs.

This is comfort, I thought happily, as I sat in the kitchen, watching my mom prepare lunch for my dad's side of the family who spent the afternoon with us.

There is just something so peaceful about being at my parents' house. I feel taken care of and sort of hidden away from the world and my responsibilities. It's easy to feel as though I am back in grade school or high school when my biggest worries really weren't such big deals, after all.

As Jane Austen would say, "There is nothing like staying at home for real comfort."

Autumn Glory

It is 1:09 this Saturday morning, and I'm still in bed.

Last night was spent reading followed by drinking wine and hanging out with Melissa and her boyfriend, Derek.

Taylor the Tool Man stopped by after work bearing a Topper's buffalo chicken pizza and Topperstix, which we all most definitely enjoyed.

I didn't set an alarm as I usually do on Saturdays (by set an alarm, I mean one for 9AM...sooo I know, I know, little sympathy for me) and found myself sleeping well past 11.

After I had waken up and spent a few minutes thinking about my dreams from the night before, I reached for the novel I've been reading, the final book of the Alice series by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor, and just read and read for hours.

Despite the mountain of obligations I have ahead of me this weekend (homework assignments, workouts, chores), I don't feel stressed.

It's a beautiful autumn day outside, and I feel more relaxed than I have in quite a while.

I have been struggling to adapt to my many life changes since I graduated college in 2012.

A few more big changes this past year sent me into one eternal, wound-up ball of worry and discontent.

This morning though, it's suddenly dawning on me all that I have to be thankful for.

And I am overwhelmed with the feeling that I am going to be just fine.

More then fine, actually.

I'm going to be fantastic.